Well with all that past here's the new
poem, it seems like something that Rina might want to
give to Anji. Hope you like it and as always tell me
what you think.

Suicidal Heart

This must end, there is no need for me to continue
like this, I’ve got to escape somehow. The end result
of life is that we’ll all eventually die, I’m just
deciding to end it now.

Swallowing acid, no that’s just too risky, I heard
someone survive that before. And if I survived I’d
have to live with my pain and probably not be able to
speak anymore.

Hanging myself, no that is certainly not an option,
knowing my luck the rope would break. And since I’m
not the type to give up so easily, I’d try again until
I corrected the mistake.

Slitting my wrists, no I’d eventually pass out from
blood loss and someone could stop the bleeding. Then
I’d end up in some kind of mental hospital, which
would stop me from ever succeeding.

Burning myself to a crisp, no it won’t give me a
guarantee, and I want to die in pain. And knowing me
I’ll probably start to burn and suddenly it would
start to rain.

Cutting my throat from ear to ear, no I can’t do that,
guess I’ll have to leave that that one alone. Because
I can picture the mess it would leave behind, and I’d
hate that even though I’d be gone.

Drowning myself out in the middle of the sea, no
that’s not even close, my answer doesn’t lie there.
Because I know that as soon as I start losing my
breath I’d go back to the surface for some air.

Putting a gun to my head and pulling the trigger, no I
couldn’t leave with my brains all over the place. I
couldn’t bear it even in death, you see a mind is a
terrible thing to waste.

Yes, that’s it, an overdose, that how I’ll end my
dismay. Silently screaming as unconsciousness engulfs
me, painfully terrified as I painlessly slip away.

Sleeping pills, No doze, Alleave, Tylenol, Advil, and
Aspirin. Muscle relaxers, Excedrin, Sinus Relief,
Pain Killers, and the strongest form of Motrin.

No stomach pump can bring me back from my approaching
death, and no angel can save me now. I gather them
all into my hand and pour a glass of water to help
wash them down.

So many pills with so many different effects, I feel
them kicking in after a short period of time. I can’t
move my legs, then start feeling energetic and sleepy,
then suddenly I slowly go blind.

I awaken and look down, I’m now able to see myself as
life leaves that lonely shell. I can see the traces
of a smile on my face, as my body stops drinking from
life’s well.

Finally I’m dead, I walk away and leave my heart
behind, that’s the part of me that actually died. And
with it goes the pain of unreturned love, and the
uncountable amount of tears I’ve cried.

That suicidal heart that drove me to madness will no
longer awaken me from my sleep. Never again will it
stop me from listening to certain songs, or cause me
to silently weep.

It will never again turn night into day, nor turn
black and gray clouds blue. So if it’s truly dead
then what’s this strange feeling in my chest every
time I’m near or think of you?